Boys, Work and Brazil

We have a lot of catching up to do so let's get right to the point.

Coach Crush
We hung out a week ago today. The usual: football, beer, snuggling, etc. He did take me to dinner this time and we did NOT spend the night together. And again, the week went by with minimal communication. But in all honesty, that night when we went to dinner, I just wasn't feeling it. I'm not sure if this was a product of his slimeball tendancies and past-shadyness or if there is zero chemistry between us; whatever the case I think I'm just not that into him anymore. The conversation bounced back and forth between history and high school sports. He doesn't ask about my family, friends or job. He's not flirty or charming. All in all, dinner was a snoozefest. I think I'm going to take him out of the batting line up for the time being. Enjoy the Disabled List, Coach.

Corporate Crush
I haven't hung out with him since our first "date." But we email, talk or text almost everyday. We had plans to have dinner two weekends ago, but his golf tournament ran late so we had to postpone. Tonight we were supposed to give it another shot. Dinner and a bottle of red was on the agenda. I woke up from my nap this afternoon to a text that said: "Not looking good for dinner tonight tootse." First off: no one has called me "tootse" since my grade school crush, Ralphie Santelli. Ralphie's age combined with his Italian background were the only reasons he was able to get away with that. And second? A TEXT?!?! And with no good reason/excuse attached? I wrote back with "=(" and he said "I know. Lo Siento." Sianara amigo. Say HOLA to Coach Crush on the DL. I didn't like your tatoos anyway... NEXT.

The New Job
So far so good. The first week started off kind of slow. I didn't have my laptop and thus no email, etc until 2:30pm on Wednesday afternoon. That made for a LOOONG first three days. And the woman I'm replacing, bless her heart, is just a dinosaur when it comes to the age of technology. And I'm not talking like she can't figure out a blackberry. I'm sure a lot of people can't. I'm talking, on day one she felt it was necessary so spend the first two hours showing me how to compose an email in Outlook, where to find Word, Excel and Power Point in my start menu and then explained that the blue icon with the "e" at the bottom of my screen was internet explorer. The icing on the cake was when she insisted that I write that all down. By the same token, the woman's a friggin riot. Her traditional southern ways and sarcastic wit give me something to aspire to. I think I'm really going to miss her when she retires on October 31.

The rest of the people there are just great. I worked with a handful of them while I was an intern in college and I had an absolute blast. I'm beyond thrilled to be on a team with them again. My boss seems like a nice guy being the big cheese that he is... and the pool of single men... well, it's nearly non-existant. HOWEVER, there is this ONE gentleman that I spent a good deal of time talking to at "Dino's" retirement party on Friday. Physically, he's 100% my type. Small frame, dark hair, dark eyes, pretty smile and looks like sex on a stick in a suit and tie. He lives in the same town I'm moving to next month. Works in sales. Is 30 years old. Likes to run. Georgia born and Georgia bred. And from what a co-worker told me, he inquired about my relationship status after I left the party. I've done the date-someone-at-work thing before and swore I'd never do it again. I still stand by that. However, he's only in the office once or twice every couple of months...

JUST SAYIN.

When in Brazil....??
So, A few weeks ago, I accompanied my roommate to her pre-wedding/honeymoon appointment to get a brazillian wax. It was a Bachelorette Party/Lingerie Shower gift to her from our friend KJ. The three of us downed some wine before hand and Engaged Roommate #2 headed down the hallway toward what I assumed would be her torture chamber and came out 30 minutes later looking like she'd just had a massage. She seemed totally unphased by what had just happened and both her and KJ insisted that it really wasn't all that painful. So their peer pressure combined with my chardonnay buzz if I had a dollar for everytime this combination has gotten me in trouble... Look out Bill Gates I ended up making an appointment.

It was this past Friday. KJ and I both went. She went first. And just like Engaged Roommate #2, she came out like a champ. You wanna know how I came out??? WANTING TO SMACK HER AND MY ROOMMATE FOR TALKING ME INTO THE MOST PAINFUL 30 MINUTES OF MY LIFE. I run marathons for crying out loud. I can handle pain. But that was friggin torture. And two nights later? Right now? It still F#$%ing hurts. It looks like someone took a razor to dry skin and just went to town. After all that pain and money it should at least look nice down there.

I AM going to give it one more shot. KJ swears the second time is better. And considering her life is on the line if she's wrong about that - I'm sure she's telling the truth. If not? Her ass is grass.

Peace Out Internet Freedom

This is it. My last day at this job. Good bye G-chat, AIM, MSN messanger, facebook, myspace and (gulp) BLOGGER! I'm going to do my best to keep posting but the first few weeks might be tough. I'm not going away for good - rest assured that as long as my friends continue to get engaged and boys continue to suck.... I will be blogging.

Speaking of boys sucking...

EGIS Quote of the Day:

"So many of us find ourselves saying "BUT HE WAS SO GREAT!" Yes, and the people who got on the Titanic thought they were going on vacation. Things changed and it's important to remember that they did."
-From the book: It's Called A Break Up Cause It's Broken

Let's Play A Game

Where are they Now?

Then:

1. Gator Boy

2. Slimey

3. Coach Crush

4. Aqua Boy

5. Mistake

6. Steve the Astronomer

7. Corporate Crush

8. Not Jim

9. Great Guy?

Now:

a. Went Fishing and Never Came Back

b. Just Friends

c. Still with his Faux g/f

d. Dates Under-Agers, Thus He Acts Like One

e. Not Out of the Picture Yet

f. Wears Jean Shorts. Enough Said.

g. Looking for F#ck Buddy in All the Wrong Places

h. Geographically Undesireable but Still Textually Active

i. He's a Liar and a Cheater Who's g/f is Mad at the Wrong Person

ANSWER KEY

Note to a Fellow Blogger

Dear P'tree to Broad,

I’m writing in regards to your blog. It seems as though you have entered into the private sector of the blogosphere without first consulting with your most loyal readers: EGIS & Kindredly. In addition to your failure to follow the appropriate protocol, you did it at a most inapt time. Our nation is in trouble, Ms I'm Too Cool For Blogging Rules. We are in an economic crisis, we Atlantans cannot find petro, the threat of terrorism still lingers, lives are being lost in a war overseas that no one seems to be winning, Washington DC is more corrupt than ever, our nation’s debt continues to increase and I have insanely noticeable roots. And you take it upon yourself to rid the public of what we need most: your opinions, wit & southern charm. I’m both appalled and insulted.

Sincerely,

A Former Follower of You're Recently UNAVAILABLE Blog

PS: Your AIM nettiquete SUCKS.

Note to Self: Learn to Catch a Football

Last night, Coach Crush thought it would be cute to throw a football my way while I wasn't looking. I turn around and see a dark object hauling ass at my face, flinch and then confidently attempt to catch it.

I totally blew it. The ball danced around in my hands before falling on the ground in front of me and bouncing a hundred different ways...me following it like a dog chasing her tail.

Thanks. Coach.

What's worse? He threw the next one at my assistant coach and she caught it effortlessly.

She's fired.

Thursday Night Lights

I know... I've been MIA again... hanging out at Kindredly this week. I have good news though....


I GOT A NEW JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


One less thing I can stress about now. I'm so friggin amped I can't hardly sit still. OK well I can never sit still...


Another fun Thursday night of junior varsity football lies ahead. Which means another fun Thursday night of staring at Coach's Crush's stupid but extremely tight ass. At least the weather is perfect. Fall is the #1 reason why I love Georgia. Aside from another hurricane-induced gas crisis crisis being we have NONE the skies are clear and it's a comfortable 77 degrees outside. PERFECT football weather. Even if it is just JV.


About Coach Crush. He hasn't done anything wrong really. He hasn't done anything at all. NOT. A. THING. He asked me Saturday if I was still under the weather. Nothing glorious came of that TEXT convo welcome to dating in the millenium... lack of verbal communication can sometimes still be endearing... (can't it?) I vowed not to initiate any conversation with him; but last night I had to ask a question about tonight's game. Because, you know, there aren't 6 other football coaches I could have asked instead. His response? "Sure...anything for you sweetheart. LOL"


1. I mean.. I know you teach high school kids, Coach Crush, but the LOL's have GOT to stop. Grown ups don't use that acronym FYI.


2. Why was the comment preceeding "LOL" laugh out loud funny?


3. You don't get to call me SWEETHEART when I haven't heard from you in 5 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


FML

He's Out of My Phone Again

I don't want to talk about it.